For You
by Gindokei
Summary: Edward's thoughts during his fateful... impalement. SPOILERS FOR CHAPTERS 76 AND 77 OF THE MANGA! Faint hint of EdxWinry, because I'm such a sucker for pairings. T for blood, although not much.


_For You_

**AN: … no comment. Contains spoilers for chapters 76 and 77 of the manga. (:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Fullmetal Alchemist**_** or any of the characters associated with the series. Hiromu Arakawa is their creator and owner.**

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**His nose pressed against the dirt, splinters of wood digging into his skin. At first, he could have fooled himself into thinking he'd merely fallen flat on his face in a sudden lapse of coordination. But then a crimson veil swept over his dim vision as the pain washed throughout him.

_Pain_. Such pain. He'd never felt such intense pain before! He rolled slightly, feeling more than hearing something thump against a crushed beam behind him. His eyes fluttered closed, and he felt the last vestiges of strength leave him. Why should he fight the pain? Why should he… there was no point… too much _effort_…

Familiar faces flashed through his head, until his mind, delirious with pain, finally settled on a single image. A bright smile, cheeks flushed red with cold, her round countenance so happy… "You promised the next time I cried, it would be out of joy"…

He raised one fist and brought it down on the ground with a terrific smash, not even noticing if it was his flesh arm or made of auto-mail. Spitting out blood, he slowly, painfully hauled himself up. He wouldn't let anyone else shed tears because of him. He'd caused too much hurt and sadness already. He couldn't give up on himself when there were so many people waiting for him to come back.

He clapped his two hands together and jerked one arm backwards, rearranging the molecules of the top part of the thin beam that had pierced his side. It fell to the ground with a faint clank, and he felt himself grow woozy from the sudden movement. Edward keeled over, eyes blurring as he gazed ahead despondently. He'd never given up throughout the years… he'd gone on, even when the darkest of secrets had revealed themselves to him… even when every path had seemed sealed off.

Was this one door he simply couldn't force open again?

His head felt so heavy. The steady _drip, drip, drip_ sound of his blood wasn't as off-putting as it would have once been. After all, he'd waded through a sea of blood inside the false Gate – even if it was his own blood this time, it didn't perturb him. Only a small part of his consciousness noted the blood leaking out of the terrible wound in his side.

He heard another thump and loud sounds as something was moved. Moving his eyes fractionally upwards, he looked at the two chimeras that had been under Kimblee's service – the gorilla and the lion. They questioned him, but he was too tired to respond fittingly. He gestured to the part of the beam still embedded in his side, asking them to pull it out. As the gorilla chimera – God, what was his name again? – helped him sit up, he explained his risky plan to them. His time would have to be impeccable. If he was even a second late, the immense blood loss could knock him unconscious, and he would probably not wake up again.

They exclaimed, startled. Of course, they were worried about his insides. They wouldn't have been spared by such a deep wound. Edward shook his head slightly, feeling saliva and blood dribble down his chin. The sensation was not pleasant.

"I'm going to use my own life energy"… it was the only way. He didn't have an alchemic amplifier like Kimblee did. There was no other option. He had to use his own energy to seal the wound closed. It made sense, in a gruesome way. He was extending his life and shortening it at the same time. Surely that was a fair exchange.

Sudden panic gripped him. He wasn't sure how much life energy he would have to expend in order to close the wound. He knew it probably – _probably_ – wouldn't kill him, but how was he to know how many years he was shortening his life span by? What if he missed something important?

His wedding. Al's wedding. The birth of his first child. The birth of his first grandchild. A million different scenarios whirled around his head, and he felt vaguely nauseous. His entire body shuddered as the gorilla-man gripped the shaft embedded in his body.

Who was to say he would survive to get married and have kids, anyway? For all he knew, he would die by the homunculi's hands, used as a pawn in their sick game. For all he knew, he wouldn't live to see the next summer. Edward squeezed his eyes closed for a heartbeat. He couldn't afford to lose so much in fear of losing so little. He had much to gain and practically nothing to lose. He would not hesitate – he would not give into fear.

"Now," he ground out, and the gorilla-man pulled upwards. Edward blanched in pain as he hurriedly tried to remember the feeling he'd experienced when he had transmuted himself, using Envy's stone. He felt energy pulse inside him and concentrated on the flow of life, and placed his hands together to form a circle. He whispered under his breath, so softly that neither of his companions would be able to hear.

"For you."

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**AN: I'm not sure why, but I like this. Ah, well. I seem to be able to write only such drabble-y things lately.  
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